rancherwriterpoet

What’s Worse than a Flat Tire?

Is there anything worse than running out your door ten minutes late and discovering your left rear tire is flat? To top it off, your husband just left for work a few minutes ago. No problem, though, just reach for the fix-a-flat that you ALWAYS carry in the trunk. That will get you to the station where you can get the tire changed, right?

Now just exactly, where is the can of fix-a-flat? I know it was here last week, for it rolled around in the trunk and made a lot of noise. Uh Oh! I remember the husband taking it out of the car to use for the lawnmower tire.

Now what? I know, I’ll call him on his cell phone. He can just come back and change the tire. Ring! Ring! Wife hears his cell phone ringing in the bedroom. The klutz left his phone at home.

Wife could call his work and tell them that husband should come back home because wife has a flat and needs his help. Yep, that’s what wife will do. Ring! Ring! “Hello, is this  husband’s workplace?” Husband’s work replies, “Yes, it is.”

“Yeah, this is the wife. Is  husband there? Would you please ask him to come to the phone?” Husband’s workplace replies, “He isn’t here.” Wife says he had better be there, he left home 20 minutes ago and it only takes five minutes to get to work. Husband’s work says, “Sorry, he’s not here, yet”.

Obviously, if husband is not there, then the issue becomes complicated. Wife begins to utter a few unseemly words, actually naughty words, even obscenities, and applies them to husband.

If only he had not forgotten his phone. If only he had not used the fix-o-flat in the lawnmower tire, if a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his butt every time he hopped. And just why isn’t husband at work already? Wife cannot wait until husband comes home tonight. Husband is going to get an earful. And, by the way, where is the jack, it isn’t in the trunk.

Wife decides to call the service station and get them to come change the tire.
Ring! Ring! “Hello, this is service station. Can we help you?” Wife says to send a tire repairman to change out her flat. Service station says it will be a couple of hours before they can get there and a $75 minimum charge.
Wife sighs and says ok.

Wife will have to call work and tell them she isn’t coming in today. Ring! Ring! “Hello, this is wife’s workplace”.
“Yes, this is wife and I can’t get to work today because husband left me at home with a flat on my car. I don’t have any fix-o-flat, not even a jack in the car and even if I did, I don’t know if I could change a flat.”

(By now, you may have guessed that the names have been excluded to protect the innocent.)

Frustrated, the wife decides to go back into the house for another cup of coffee and as she does, she hears a car pull into the driveway. Looking out her window, she sees her husband getting out of his truck. He proceeds to get the jack from ‘under the hood’ of her car and then rolls a new tire up the driveway. Wife says, “Honey, you’re so sweet, can I get you a cup of coffee and another sweet roll?”

About that time, the flat repairman shows up. Uh, oh! Remember those obscenities? Wife gets to use them again.

I know I can’t think of anything worse than running out your door ten minutes late and discovering the left rear tire flat, can you?

Have a flat free day.

Pete Robertson
September 2012