rancherwriterpoet

(I Already Have One Paw on) The Chicken Coop

My recent blog poem contained a cliché about “burning bridges”. This gave me an idea about using clichés. I determined I should attempt to write a poem or story containing a cliché that coincides with each letter of the alphabet. This will be my first post with that in mind. We shall see if it is a good idea or not.
I found a website (ClichéSite.com) that lists many clichés and this is where I began to draw my inspiration.

For some time now, my wife has been after me to build a chicken “tractor”.  All you city types, take notice, this is a portable chicken coop. (See picture below) It is enclosed, with wheels, and can be moved from location to location with the chickens inside so you never have to keep them in one place. One can move it by hand, use a tractor to move it or even a riding lawn mower, hence, the name chicken “tractor”. The idea is to allow the free-range chickens a place to hunt and peck and not have them destroy your yard.

So far, I have resisted (ignored) the calls to build such a contraption. I only have to look to my neighbors to see these fowl birds. Their chickens already range into my front yard. They occasionally fly over the fence into the backyard, however, we also raise standard poodles and they have an affinity for chicken. Whatever comes over the fence does not necessarily fly back over. I must admit, chickens do keep the grasshopper population to a minimum; however, I’m not totally convinced of owning chickens.

During the conversation, my wife said she only wants two hens to lay eggs. At this point, my daughter interjected her two-cent’s worth and declared that we could not get eggs without a rooster. Obviously, she never lived on a farm. I must say here, my daughter is well past the age of puberty, having raised two children of her own. Once it was explained to her that chickens could lay eggs without a rooster, she exclaimed, “I didn’t know that”. Anyway, with roosters, baby chickens would soon be coming out our ears. (That’s a cliché I didn’t intend to use). We definitely do not want any baby chickens.

I told my wife I never built a chicken coop before. She said I could get chicken coop plans on the internet. I said I couldn’t afford to buy plans. She said there are many free plans available. A point in her favorite.

My wife says we could  have fresh eggs everyday. I don’t eat eggs everyday. They have too much cholesterol. My wife says I take medicine to reduce my cholesterol. Another point in her favor.
She says eggs are a good source of iron, good for the brain. I can’t argue about that. I need all the help I can get. My wife says she also could use them to bake pies and cakes. I do eat pies and cakes. Another point in her favor.
                                                                                                                                                               They would, however, be a good source of meat. A point in my favor. Wait, she said, we would have to first chop off the head, (neither of us can do that) submerge the chicken in scalding water, pluck the feathers, maybe even burn off the tiny hairs left behind. (What an odorous and rank task that would be) then it is ready to process. I backed off on that idea. I guess I have to give her another point. That kind of chicken is best left up to the supermarket.

I also concluded that chickens are messy. They poop everywhere. That means you have to keep their place clean. My wife said she would do that. There you have it, another point.

As far as chickens eating grasshoppers, they also consume their weight in just about anything else that moves. And did I say, fertilize? Points just keep adding up.

There is one more thing to consider before raising chickens. Remember what happens when the fox gets in the henhouse? It means that this is a bad situation. For when a fox gets in to a henhouse at least some of the chickens end up dead. My wife said we have no foxes around here. She just keeps collecting points. By the way, if you are keeping score, I think I’m down 4-1.

Well, I suppose that as soon as I can get around to it, I may be able to build one of these contrivances. “I already got one paw on the chicken coop”. (“caught in the act of doing something bad or wrong”).                           Along about this time is when she declared, “Oh, for Pete’s sake…” 

For a picture of a chicken tractor, just click on the link below . 

Chicken tractor